Oop there it is. This old chestnut. A topic that will get the blood flowing. Either to make you blush or to get you excited. But whatever the case, it's a topic that can get the heart pumping. That is, of course, until we think about talking to our kids about it. The dreaded question, 'where do babies come from?' Or 'what would you do if I got pregnant?' Or 'can I hang out at my girlfriends place tonight?'. When these questions come from the mouths of our kids our hearts seem to stop beating altogether. Our brains stop functioning and we just freak out. Sometimes at least. If we were parenting 50 years ago, this would definitely have been the case. But what about now? What do we do with this topic? How long can we protect our kids? Keep them innocent? Save them from the unrealistic sex-crazed world they are growing up in? When do we have the talk? What do we say? Well, I'm gonna have plenty to say on this topic, so look out for more posts, but here's a start to the convo.
Why do Christians care so much about sex?
You know what's weird? Christians say that our world is sex-crazed, and yet our world reckons that Christians care more about sex than they do because we keep talking about it and setting up rules and stuff. So who's right? Do we care too much about sex? I think the answer is simple. We all care about sex. Lot's. And that's because sex is so important. We are sexual beings. It is a big part of who we are. And more than that, God made sex to play a critical role in humanity life experience. Not only is it the mode or pro-creation, but it is also the most intimate physical and emotional connection that two people can experience. It truly is a remarkable thing. That's why we all care about it so much.
But why the difference between Christians and unbelievers? Well, unbelievers care about sex, and care about being 'free' to express their sexuality however they choose. Whether that is celibacy, monogamy, homosexuality, polygamy or transsexuality. As long as it's not beastiality or abusive, anything goes. And so it is totally fine to have a sex-saturated society, because it's all good you know? Christians on the other hand believe that God made sex in a particular way (male-female), to be used in a particular context (monogamous marriage). And we believe that in this fallen world, as we attempt to honour Christ with our bodies, we ought to control our sexual desires and bring them into submission with God's purpose for sex. We are also convinced that this is where we can find true sexual freedom and get the greatest sexual and marital benefits for the good of society.
What about our kids?
But there's a problem. You see, our kids aren't mature enough to understand all the ins and outs of sex (all puns intended), yet our world is bombarding them with its distorted view of sex all the time. I can't take my 3-year-old son to the shops without walking past pictures 10 times as tall as he is with near-naked women on them. (And don't even get me started on shops like Honey Birdette...). School kids will never escape sexual conversations in the playground, and their friends definitely cannot be trusted to give them an accurate picture of sex. And homeschooling won't be enough to shelter your kids either. Because of, you know, the internet. We, as Christian parents, must be proactive in the conversation with our kids about sex. Don't throw them to the anti-knowledge wolves of the world. Cos that's all we're leaving them to if we don't take the initiative.
When and how to have the chat
So when do we have the chat about the birds and the bees? When do we have that conversation? Well, I want to say, don't have the chat. Have lot's of chats. Begin the conversation around these things. Let this be a safe topic in your house, where your kids can ask questions or make comments without shame. Where you raise issues and talk about it. Regularly. Cos remember, whether or not your kids have hit puberty yet, they are already sexual beings. When should you start? Already. Whether they are 1, 10 or 21, begin the conversation now if you haven't. Don't let your feelings of awkwardness be a catalyst for your kid's broken sexuality. And a broken sexuality is close to inevitable for them if they learn about sex from the world, and not you. But what to say? Where to begin? There are so many variations here, and the age of your kids does impact it. So there will be more posts coming. And there are some incredible resources available that I've been looking into, so stay tuned for them. But here is a challenge for you. No matter the age of your kids, let them hear you say the word sex every day this week. You can use it in a sentence, or just say the word by itself (that will generate conversation haha!), but just get it out there in your family life. You don't have to talk about it heaps (although your kids may be keen to, and if so, awesome!), but just get the word into the conversation space for your family. If you've never done this before it might make you uncomfortable. But it will be the first step on the road to comfy chats with your kids about sex. Remember, sex is an important part of who we are, whether or not we are married. God made it part of us, and we can't ignore it if we're going to honour him with our whole lives. The same is true for our kids. In our world, we simply can't shelter our kids from this topic (and to be honest it's best if we don't anyway). We need to lead them in this area and teach them the good truth from God. So let's keep talking about sex.
See more Let's Talk About Sex posts